Radiation plans

 

Here's a picture of my Fairy Garden...

So today I met with the radiation oncologist. 

With the type of surgery I did, I knew up front that I would have to have radiation treatment.

I will need 18 radiation treatments, every day (M-F) for 3 1/2 weeks. 

Before I start the actual radiation, I have to have an extra long planning session where they do CT and figure out where they are going to zap you. I also will have to get 3 small tattoos (the size of a "freckle"). Frank was very sweet bc he said if they bother me I could get them lasered away later. There is the option to use a sharpie, but it's not as accurate. 

Apparently, the radiation will make my breast red and peeling, like a sunburn. (And that's the best-case scenario). 

I knew this was coming but I feel really overwhelmed. I am pretty much crying every day, tho work is a good distraction, and it's only really bad at night. 

Physically I am also finally feeling better, however, I feel like as soon as I start to feel like myself, that's when the radiation will start, and I'll feel bad again.  

It's really hard for me to think ahead, and think down the road. I know I will have to go on hormone-blocking drugs after the radiation. I am also dreading those. 

It's so challenging bc obviously there is a spectrum of responses to everything. Some people say the radiation was no big deal and they didn't have many side effects. Other people have terrible side effects, even years down the road. I, of course, can't know how I will react until I'm in the thick of it.

I have one last getaway coming up this weekend, we are going to an Atlanta suburb for the wedding of my cousin's daughter. I'm really looking forward to the happy occasion. We did have to cancel the trip we had planned in May with our foodie group bc it's likely the radiation will start right around May 1, and continue through most of May. 

The next possible work trip is July 20-21, and I'm hoping I'll be energetic enough to go (I don't know where yet).

I don't know what else to say- give me a call if you want to chat live

Thanks for reading

Weekend getaway- (5 weeks post-op)

 

We went to Long Branch NJ this past weekend for my cousin Lisa's Memorial/celebration of life service. Lisa passed away earlier this year after a 3-year battle with lung cancer. She was 59 and so kind and optimistic. She will be missed by all of us who loved her. 

My brother and several cousins were able to attend (pic of all the cousins together -4 more not able to attend)

Here's a pic with Lisa's Mom and Dad, My father's sister Judy, and my Uncle Stanley. 

Traveling was tiring, esp because the flight out was delayed by 3 hours and the flight back was delayed by 1 hour. (Broken plane, closed airspace due to VIP)

It was so nice to be right on the beach, and walking on the beach and listening to the waves was very calming. Physically I felt decent this weekend. IDK if it's because I was distracted, or hopefully because I'm just getting better. Today is exactly 5 weeks from my surgery, and I am actually glad that radiation won't start until the end of the month or early May. It blows my mind to think about doing something else that will cause my poor chest to hurt more. I have a pretty easy week this week- no doctor appts until next Tues-glad for a break. 

4 weeks post-op

 An OLD photo (2016?) of me and my cousins Lisa (center) and her twin sister, Sharon (rt). 

This weekend I am hoping to fly to NJ to be present at Lisa's memorial service/celebration of life. She died recently from lung cancer after a long and brave fight. It will be nice to see my extended family and especially my brother, but it is a sobering reminder of what cancer can take from us. 

Today makes exactly 4 weeks since my surgery, and later today I have a bone density scan scheduled. This is to make sure the drugs I have to take won't make my bones too thin. 

I will likely start radiation in late April/early May, and I'm not sure how long that goes. After radiation, I will have to take estrogen-blocking drugs called aromatase inhibitors for at least 5 years. 

I am still in significant discomfort every day, and I am always looking at these stupid boobs- are they red? are they hot? are they swollen? I feel like all I do is worry and cry, cry and worry. I never thought I would feel this miserable for this long. I am very down, and just working hard to get through each day one at a time. I can't even begin to imagine a time when I will feel sexy again, if ever. I'm also stressed a bit about what to wear this weekend - I've sadly gained a few pounds in the middle which makes me feel even less attractive. There are moments when I forget it all, and almost feel like my old self, but I am just devastated by all that's happened to me. 

Things not to say to me: Don't ever tell me I'm lucky they caught it or I'm lucky not to have chemo!

Lucky would be if I never had cancer and if my body was not carved up because of this!

Thanks everyone for all your support and positive vibes. 

NO CHEMO !!!

I had a decent weekend. On Sat, we got together with some foodie friends and went to Poochies for lunch, followed by a wine stock-up at Schaefers- and then toured the Jewish Deli exhibit at the Holocaust museum in Skokie, followed by dinner at The Bagel. Laura was able to meet us for dinner, and after we drove her home, and I got some good kitty petting in with Queenie. Some grandcat pet therapy!

Sunday I managed a short walk, and then Frank and I went grocery shopping, but...

I DROVE !  Yea me- first time since my surgery.

I'm still tight and hurting, but hurting a bit less, doing lots of stretching and I am hopeful we can travel to the memorial service for my cousin Lisa on Sat in New Jersey. Of course, not allowed to lift or push suitcases, but that's what husbands and checked luggage are for.

The doctor just called with my oncotype results 

I DO NOT need chemo!!!

The score means that even if I were to suffer through chemo, it wouldn’t help my recurrence rate. So this is a really emotional thing off my shoulders.

While I may have tough days and tough evenings, I can definitely tell that I am better this week than I was last week, and continue to hope I will feel better next week than I do this week. 

Thank you to everyone for your support and positive vibes.