The going gets rougher

 

Every day at 3:45 this is where you will find me. I'm going to try and get a pic of me and the machine sometime. I have 7 more treatments to go. (60% done)

My breast is a bit swollen and feels really sun burned, although it doesn't look red. The underarm and back that gets hit really hurts, partly because I need someone else to do the lotioning back there- I can't reach to do it even with a long-stick applicator.

My eyes have started to get really red, dry, itchy, and hurt esp in bright light. My radiation oncologist says this is not from radiation, but they got really acutely bad last Friday. I'm going to an eye doctor later today. Hopefully they can prescribe something more effective than the OTC eyedrops which I'm using 5-6 x a day right now. 

I'm also a bit of a couch potato in the late afternoon/evenings, but I guess I'm entitled, my body is working so hard to cope with all of this. 

I'm thinking about cancelling my Monday appt next week so I can have another 3 day weekend to recover before my final week. Depending on whether or not I cancel, my last day will either be Thurs June 6 or Friday June 7. 

I'm starting to think about what (if anything) I should do to celebrate. I definitely want to bring some nice treats to the radiation techs who have been taking care of me. 

I don't know if I'll "ring the bell" or not. I don't feel like I'm done because I have to go on more drugs for 5 years. I also read an very interesting study about stress in those who ring the bell vs don't. It said that ringing the bell creates a "mental snapshot" and that folks who did this perceived their treatment as more stressful than folks who skipped it. 

Here's a link to the article: Ringing the bell

In other news, we did have a nice visit with Ross' daughter Eloise this last weekend. We had tea at the Drake one day, and she joined us for a Memorial Day parade and cookout. Here's a pic from tea. So trying to focus on the good stuff and not on the hard stuff. 

Thanks for reading, commenting, emailing and calling!

Hump day- 38% completed

 Baltimore oriole in my backyard!

Looking back I guess Wednesday is my day to post things - after the crush of Monday work and before weekend stuff...who knows?

Anyhow I have had 7 radiation treatments of the 18 total I will have. 

I'd have to say I'm not terrible, but I'm also not great. I still think I feel my molecules vibrating during the treatments, and I definitely have a burning sensation afterwards. I always bring the Miaderm cream with me and put lots on just after the radiation as I'm getting dressed. Yesterday when I got home, I had to have Frank help me re-do the areas I can't reach, and it really helped because the back of my arm and upper back were so uncomfortable. 

The treatments also take a lot of "emotional energy" for me. It's really hard to lie on this hard table, in an uncomfortable position, and stay completely still while this giant linear accelerator rotates around me, and gives me the equivalent of too many high-energy x-rays to count. 

I just feel really "emotionally tamped down" in a way that's very foreign to me. 

I'm also having some weird aches and pains in other areas and digestive issues that don't seem like they should be related, because they are nowhere near the radiated area, but who knows? I mean I don't think we are intended to naturally get this kind of abuse. 

In one of my previous jobs we worked with very low-level radioactive isotopes and we had to wear badges that would detect our exposure, and use all kinds of shielding. If your badge was too high then you had to stop doing those tasks for a while. (Mine was always fine). but still...

Today our granddaughter Eloise who is getting close to 5 is coming to town for a week-long visit. Laura and Ross are so excited and have decorated a beautiful room in their new apartment in a unicorn theme. We were also so thankful to have Ross' folk in town last week to help them get set up as I am not quite up to major unpacking snuff. 

That's all for now- I love hearing from folks so feel free to call me, email or text -

Thanks for everyone's support and love.

ZAP me baby!

 My radiation treatments started on Monday. As I write this I am 2 down-16 to go. 

I have a little countdown calendar on my office wall to help me keep track. 

They say you are not supposed to feel anything during the treatment, but I swear I do. It's not painful but it feels to me kind of tickly-like my electrons/molecules are being jiggled about. At night it feels like the radiated breast is warmer to the touch than the other one. No glowing in the dark yet (LOL). It does, however make me a bit nervous as to how I'll feel down the road. 

They say most people don't have any noticeable effects until you are like 1 week in. Most also get some degree of fatigue. However I'm a really energetic person, so I'm hoping that will continue to hold true. 

I'm really trying to focus on one day and one treatment at a time. It's too daunting to think big picture right now. The treatments don't take very long, it takes longer for them to get my body exactly in place than for this giant machine to circle around me. I think it's called a linear accelerator and it looks like this:

My scars are starting to look less raised and crazy bad, although I don't know if my nipples will ever look normal or have feeling again. Kind of sad about that, but I guess I should be happy they could save them. It is possible that long term they will improve, or not. No way to know except "tincture of time". 

I am loving the days we have that are warmer, and looking forward to wearing shorts and t-shirts instead of sweaters and pants. I'm also trying really hard to lose a few pounds, and hoping maybe the radiation will kill my appetite (not a known side effect 😉)

That's all for now- treatment #3 coming this afternoon.

TWO- that's right - two months out of surgery

 

I looked at the calendar this morning and realized it's been exactly 2 months since my breast cancer surgery. I'm starting to really get my energy level back, and Frank and I took a nice walk at one of my favorite Forest Preserves- Hastings Lake. It's a bit of a drive, but a good solid 2 mile loop. 

It's kind of ironic that I'm feeling better, and now next Mon 5/13, I start my radiation treatments. Hopefully I'll be one of the people that aren't too bothered by this. I received some Miaderm radiation cream that I ordered, which is supposed to be the best one. 

So I guess I'm as ready as I can be. 

Trying to focus on staying healthy, and maybe (HAHA) eating a bit less- would just love to lose some of the excess stress-eating pounds...

Would also love to do some PT/scar massage, but that will have to wait until June, when radiation is completed. Doing what I can on my own at home for now. 

Hugs to all!

May is radiation time!

 

It's been a while since I posted. Lots has been going on. 

So Radiation/Cancer update: 

 Yesterday I went to the hospital for my radiation planning appointment. They took a special CT scan of me to calculate and plan where and how much to zap me. They also gave me 3 very tiny tattoo dots, which only 1 hurt, so it wasn't too bad. After coming home, we indulged in some Gin & Tonic out on the patio. Did you know you can buy diet tonic water? 

Next week on May 9, I go for a "dry run" where they set everything up, and do exactly what will happen on my treatment days, but will not give me actual radiation.

Starting May 13, I will get radiation every day, M-F, until I have had 18 treatments. That means I should have my last treatment during the first week of June. Most people who have gone through this get a peeling "sunburn" in the radiation area, and some get fatigued. I have ordered a special radiation cream that is supposed to help keep my skin healthy. 

I'm still really numb in many places, much more on the "cancer" side. Probably a little nerve got cut or damaged while they were digging around for lymph nodes etc. The Dr says it can take 6 months to a year for that to go away. My pain level is better - I've bought new bras that are more comfortable, but I kind of hurt when I'm wearing them, and also hurt when I'm not LOL. If I'm asleep- I'm not hurting. 

Other news!- Wagner Wedding! We went to the Atlanta area to celebrate the wedding of my cousin Andy Wagner's daughter Amanda (Mandy). This event is why I pushed back my radiation to May- I really want to go to the happy events, and being around my family is such a great support. 

In this photo, Frank and I are at the Amicolala Falls which are at the southern terminus of the Appalachian Trail- so gorgeous!

In this photo (LtoR) is my cousin Andy (Father of the bride) Mandy, Andy's sister Corry, Corry's son Shane, and Andy's younger daughter Madeleine. 

Here is a photo of the Bride and Groom- they were married on the Bride's aunt's estate on Lake Lanier- so gorgeous. 

SO that's it for now- I really appreciate your notes, call, and comments.