TWO- that's right - two months out of surgery

 

I looked at the calendar this morning and realized it's been exactly 2 months since my breast cancer surgery. I'm starting to really get my energy level back, and Frank and I took a nice walk at one of my favorite Forest Preserves- Hastings Lake. It's a bit of a drive, but a good solid 2 mile loop. 

It's kind of ironic that I'm feeling better, and now next Mon 5/13, I start my radiation treatments. Hopefully I'll be one of the people that aren't too bothered by this. I received some Miaderm radiation cream that I ordered, which is supposed to be the best one. 

So I guess I'm as ready as I can be. 

Trying to focus on staying healthy, and maybe (HAHA) eating a bit less- would just love to lose some of the excess stress-eating pounds...

Would also love to do some PT/scar massage, but that will have to wait until June, when radiation is completed. Doing what I can on my own at home for now. 

Hugs to all!

May is radiation time!

 

It's been a while since I posted. Lots has been going on. 

So Radiation/Cancer update: 

 Yesterday I went to the hospital for my radiation planning appointment. They took a special CT scan of me to calculate and plan where and how much to zap me. They also gave me 3 very tiny tattoo dots, which only 1 hurt, so it wasn't too bad. After coming home, we indulged in some Gin & Tonic out on the patio. Did you know you can buy diet tonic water? 

Next week on May 9, I go for a "dry run" where they set everything up, and do exactly what will happen on my treatment days, but will not give me actual radiation.

Starting May 13, I will get radiation every day, M-F, until I have had 18 treatments. That means I should have my last treatment during the first week of June. Most people who have gone through this get a peeling "sunburn" in the radiation area, and some get fatigued. I have ordered a special radiation cream that is supposed to help keep my skin healthy. 

I'm still really numb in many places, much more on the "cancer" side. Probably a little nerve got cut or damaged while they were digging around for lymph nodes etc. The Dr says it can take 6 months to a year for that to go away. My pain level is better - I've bought new bras that are more comfortable, but I kind of hurt when I'm wearing them, and also hurt when I'm not LOL. If I'm asleep- I'm not hurting. 

Other news!- Wagner Wedding! We went to the Atlanta area to celebrate the wedding of my cousin Andy Wagner's daughter Amanda (Mandy). This event is why I pushed back my radiation to May- I really want to go to the happy events, and being around my family is such a great support. 

In this photo, Frank and I are at the Amicolala Falls which are at the southern terminus of the Appalachian Trail- so gorgeous!

In this photo (LtoR) is my cousin Andy (Father of the bride) Mandy, Andy's sister Corry, Corry's son Shane, and Andy's younger daughter Madeleine. 

Here is a photo of the Bride and Groom- they were married on the Bride's aunt's estate on Lake Lanier- so gorgeous. 

SO that's it for now- I really appreciate your notes, call, and comments. 

Radiation plans

 

Here's a picture of my Fairy Garden...

So today I met with the radiation oncologist. 

With the type of surgery I did, I knew up front that I would have to have radiation treatment.

I will need 18 radiation treatments, every day (M-F) for 3 1/2 weeks. 

Before I start the actual radiation, I have to have an extra long planning session where they do CT and figure out where they are going to zap you. I also will have to get 3 small tattoos (the size of a "freckle"). Frank was very sweet bc he said if they bother me I could get them lasered away later. There is the option to use a sharpie, but it's not as accurate. 

Apparently, the radiation will make my breast red and peeling, like a sunburn. (And that's the best-case scenario). 

I knew this was coming but I feel really overwhelmed. I am pretty much crying every day, tho work is a good distraction, and it's only really bad at night. 

Physically I am also finally feeling better, however, I feel like as soon as I start to feel like myself, that's when the radiation will start, and I'll feel bad again.  

It's really hard for me to think ahead, and think down the road. I know I will have to go on hormone-blocking drugs after the radiation. I am also dreading those. 

It's so challenging bc obviously there is a spectrum of responses to everything. Some people say the radiation was no big deal and they didn't have many side effects. Other people have terrible side effects, even years down the road. I, of course, can't know how I will react until I'm in the thick of it.

I have one last getaway coming up this weekend, we are going to an Atlanta suburb for the wedding of my cousin's daughter. I'm really looking forward to the happy occasion. We did have to cancel the trip we had planned in May with our foodie group bc it's likely the radiation will start right around May 1, and continue through most of May. 

The next possible work trip is July 20-21, and I'm hoping I'll be energetic enough to go (I don't know where yet).

I don't know what else to say- give me a call if you want to chat live

Thanks for reading

Weekend getaway- (5 weeks post-op)

 

We went to Long Branch NJ this past weekend for my cousin Lisa's Memorial/celebration of life service. Lisa passed away earlier this year after a 3-year battle with lung cancer. She was 59 and so kind and optimistic. She will be missed by all of us who loved her. 

My brother and several cousins were able to attend (pic of all the cousins together -4 more not able to attend)

Here's a pic with Lisa's Mom and Dad, My father's sister Judy, and my Uncle Stanley. 

Traveling was tiring, esp because the flight out was delayed by 3 hours and the flight back was delayed by 1 hour. (Broken plane, closed airspace due to VIP)

It was so nice to be right on the beach, and walking on the beach and listening to the waves was very calming. Physically I felt decent this weekend. IDK if it's because I was distracted, or hopefully because I'm just getting better. Today is exactly 5 weeks from my surgery, and I am actually glad that radiation won't start until the end of the month or early May. It blows my mind to think about doing something else that will cause my poor chest to hurt more. I have a pretty easy week this week- no doctor appts until next Tues-glad for a break. 

4 weeks post-op

 An OLD photo (2016?) of me and my cousins Lisa (center) and her twin sister, Sharon (rt). 

This weekend I am hoping to fly to NJ to be present at Lisa's memorial service/celebration of life. She died recently from lung cancer after a long and brave fight. It will be nice to see my extended family and especially my brother, but it is a sobering reminder of what cancer can take from us. 

Today makes exactly 4 weeks since my surgery, and later today I have a bone density scan scheduled. This is to make sure the drugs I have to take won't make my bones too thin. 

I will likely start radiation in late April/early May, and I'm not sure how long that goes. After radiation, I will have to take estrogen-blocking drugs called aromatase inhibitors for at least 5 years. 

I am still in significant discomfort every day, and I am always looking at these stupid boobs- are they red? are they hot? are they swollen? I feel like all I do is worry and cry, cry and worry. I never thought I would feel this miserable for this long. I am very down, and just working hard to get through each day one at a time. I can't even begin to imagine a time when I will feel sexy again, if ever. I'm also stressed a bit about what to wear this weekend - I've sadly gained a few pounds in the middle which makes me feel even less attractive. There are moments when I forget it all, and almost feel like my old self, but I am just devastated by all that's happened to me. 

Things not to say to me: Don't ever tell me I'm lucky they caught it or I'm lucky not to have chemo!

Lucky would be if I never had cancer and if my body was not carved up because of this!

Thanks everyone for all your support and positive vibes. 

NO CHEMO !!!

I had a decent weekend. On Sat, we got together with some foodie friends and went to Poochies for lunch, followed by a wine stock-up at Schaefers- and then toured the Jewish Deli exhibit at the Holocaust museum in Skokie, followed by dinner at The Bagel. Laura was able to meet us for dinner, and after we drove her home, and I got some good kitty petting in with Queenie. Some grandcat pet therapy!

Sunday I managed a short walk, and then Frank and I went grocery shopping, but...

I DROVE !  Yea me- first time since my surgery.

I'm still tight and hurting, but hurting a bit less, doing lots of stretching and I am hopeful we can travel to the memorial service for my cousin Lisa on Sat in New Jersey. Of course, not allowed to lift or push suitcases, but that's what husbands and checked luggage are for.

The doctor just called with my oncotype results 

I DO NOT need chemo!!!

The score means that even if I were to suffer through chemo, it wouldn’t help my recurrence rate. So this is a really emotional thing off my shoulders.

While I may have tough days and tough evenings, I can definitely tell that I am better this week than I was last week, and continue to hope I will feel better next week than I do this week. 

Thank you to everyone for your support and positive vibes. 

Time Flies!

 

Hard to believe it was just a year ago that I went to the St. Patrick's Day parade in New Orleans! (and caught Covid , but that's another story). I recovered quickly and easily, and I wish I could say the same for breast cancer surgery.

I started back to work yesterday part-time, and it's actually very good to have something to distract me. 

I'm not in a ton of pain per se, but the scars that are all around my body are SO TIGHT. I'm trying to do some exercises for stretching and some gentle scar massage, but it honestly feels like someone wrapped a burning rope tightly around my whole body, and keeps pulling on it all day long. The gummys etc do help, but it's just SO uncomfortable 24-7. Sometimes I feel like I am never going to be comfortable in my body again. I also question my decision to have breast-conserving surgery and wonder if it might have been smarter to just get everything taken off. Tomorrow makes 3 weeks since surgery, I really thought I'd feel better than this by now.

I am also dreading what's coming, definitely radiation and aromatase inhibitors. Maybe chemo. (Still waiting on the oncotype results.) We re-watched Rogue One the other night and I feel like Jyn Erso on the beach. I can see the tidal wave of destruction coming, but I can't do anything to get out of the way. I just have to sit there and take it. 

The bra situation is also very challenging. I found one (out of the 6 so far I have ordered) that was tolerable. I really miss having a specialty lingerie store nearby- Betty Schwartz's Intimate Boutique- where are you now that I need you? Between Covid and Amazon, these are far and few between. I have more bras on order and maybe an appt on Thurs in a far suburb...

My spirits are very low, I'm having a lot of trouble feeling strong, or feeling optimistic. I cry just about every day (at least once-LOL). This whole experience is so demoralizing. Thank you to all for your support and prayers.