It is hard to believe that only 10 days ago. I had my surgery. This morning for the first time I woke up and was not in unbearable pain.
The pain, aspect of all of this has been the hardest for me, plus the body image issues are like Mount Everest. I never really thought of myself as a vain person. I mean, I knew I was no supermodel, and curvier than most, but at this age, I’ve come to grips with that, and my bodies done some amazing things like birth three children, so I accept the stretch marks and the change in shape.
This is so different. When I look down at my body, I just look like Frankenstein. All seams and stitches. Frank has been so great and so sweet and supportive, but I just can’t get over how grotesque I look.
It’s also been really disappointing. How unconcerned the doctors have been about my pain levels. They tell me to take Tylenol, Advil, and Norco at bedtime. None of it helps. After two important people in my life independently suggested I try it, I got some edibles, legal in this state, thankfully, and gave it a bit of a try yesterday. It was like night and day. For the first time in days, I had some pain relief. I don’t know why the medical community is still so resistant to this idea, and does not suggest it.
I also managed to do a six block walk yesterday, so very slowly, starting to push myself a little more.
Elaine, you are handling all that you are going through with fortitude and courage. May each day by day your healing gets iincrementally better. Big hug to you.
ReplyDeleteWhen my coworker's mom had her first knee replacement a couple years ago, she found out the hard way she was allergic to the Norco they gave her, and she said there was no way she would do the other knee, as they were saying she'd eventually have to do. Once we helped her figure out a combination of cannabis products that worked, there was no pain. She had the other knee done last fall and did the same routine with the cannabis.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you've found relief from the pain. But I'm so sorry you are having such body image issues. Surgery was less than 2 weeks ago, and you're still healing. Yes, there was injury to your body, but those still raw scars are not who you are. Give yourself time and permission to heal without judgment.
ReplyDeleteSorry, this is Karen
Deleteyou are being awfully brave, Elaine. i'm so glad the edibles are helping with your pain and that it is lessening every day. I can barely imagine what it must be like to look down at your body as it looks now, but you know that it's going to heal and will look a whole lot better eventually. the fact that your stage is 1A is wonderful news. joan
DeleteI'm so proud of you and your honest, unflinching expression of your experience. Body image issues are just so rough... big hugs and hopes that as time passes, your dysmorphia eases and you can become friends again with your newly perky girls. Yay for the 1-a categorization!
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