I started back to work yesterday part-time, and it's actually very good to have something to distract me.
I'm not in a ton of pain per se, but the scars that are all around my body are SO TIGHT. I'm trying to do some exercises for stretching and some gentle scar massage, but it honestly feels like someone wrapped a burning rope tightly around my whole body, and keeps pulling on it all day long. The gummys etc do help, but it's just SO uncomfortable 24-7. Sometimes I feel like I am never going to be comfortable in my body again. I also question my decision to have breast-conserving surgery and wonder if it might have been smarter to just get everything taken off. Tomorrow makes 3 weeks since surgery, I really thought I'd feel better than this by now.
I am also dreading what's coming, definitely radiation and aromatase inhibitors. Maybe chemo. (Still waiting on the oncotype results.) We re-watched Rogue One the other night and I feel like Jyn Erso on the beach. I can see the tidal wave of destruction coming, but I can't do anything to get out of the way. I just have to sit there and take it.
The bra situation is also very challenging. I found one (out of the 6 so far I have ordered) that was tolerable. I really miss having a specialty lingerie store nearby- Betty Schwartz's Intimate Boutique- where are you now that I need you? Between Covid and Amazon, these are far and few between. I have more bras on order and maybe an appt on Thurs in a far suburb...
My spirits are very low, I'm having a lot of trouble feeling strong, or feeling optimistic. I cry just about every day (at least once-LOL). This whole experience is so demoralizing. Thank you to all for your support and prayers.
I wish I could say something to help. The scar massage will help, if you can keep doing it. But you have to remind yourself that it's ONLY been 3 weeks, not that it's "already" been 3 weeks, as if that's a long time. It will take a while for your body to heal. Meanwhile, I'm sorry you're in pain. I'm afraid radiation will have some side effects, although it's different for everyone.
ReplyDeleteIt is very weird though, lying on the radiation table with a bunch of people you don't know buzzing around you. I did make every single person introduce themselves to me, to make them realize I was a human being who needed a little care, not just a chest. You feel so vulnerable. And when one guy was just in the room doing his own thing, I threw him out and complained to my radiation oncologist. He was just rude. But I think you said you only need 3 weeks of radiation (I had 6) so that's better for you.
Just give yourself permission to feel however you choose, and take a nap when you feel tired. You may be superwoman, but you can press pause on it when you need to.
Love you!
Karen
Thanks Karen - as you know some days are better than others.
DeleteYour bra shop appointment in a far suburb- would that be Tina's Closet in Lisle, or Central Foundations in Berwyn?
ReplyDeleteI highly recommend Central Foundations.
Tina's Closet was the worst bra fitting/dressing room experience I've ever had in my life.
I miss Betty Schwartz's, too. Those bubbes (bubbies?) were the best.
Thanks Lucy - I was supposed to go to Naturally Yours in Willowbrook, but had to cancel due to a conflict - Another place I've seen is Second Act in Lincoln Park. Meantime I did get another one from Amazon that's not terrible.
DeleteAre all these places ones with experience fitting bras on breast cancer patients? Do they have bras that support without underwire? I love the bra fitters at Nordstrom, but that's not where I went for a year or so. You've probably checked them all out, but just in case... I know how much the wrong bra can hurt.
ReplyDeleteso glad to hear you're going back to work- the time will go faster and will be a welcome distraction from your health. i did not realize betty schwartz's was closed; i hope you can find many bras that are comfortable! all the best, joan h.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you dear Elaine. We are saying prayers for you every day. Much love!
ReplyDeleteRemember being worried that you're scared weren't going to hold? It sounds like they manifested a tight grip in response. So now you can work on giving them permission to relax a little. They have been doing an amazing job healing, and with the exercises, oils, vitamin E or whatever else you give them, they will learn that it's time to embrace their new status as battle trophies. Big hugs to you, mama!
ReplyDeleteGreat and I have a tremendous give: Is It Good To Buy Old House And Renovate home depot renovation services
ReplyDelete